Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6301 of 6369
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
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10-01-2009 15:47
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wondering why is there someone in the fitting room at Macy's shouting "we're all out of toilet paper!!"
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10-01-2009 14:37 by trini
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wondering if my bed was a circle would I still wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
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10-01-2009 14:07 by Tammy
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If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 10 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status???
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10-01-2009 09:03
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thinks that they should change the name of Starbucks to Fivebucks
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10-01-2009 09:01 by Tim
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If I were an animal, I'd eat vegetarians
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10-01-2009 01:16 by Piney
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Hitch hikers don't find it as amusing as I do when I give them the thumbs up as I drive by.
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09-30-2009 23:01 by Brantly
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feels like I am at a crossroad. I know you should take the road less traveled... but then who do you hang out with?
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09-30-2009 15:48
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just risked a car accident to type this
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09-30-2009 13:16 by somebody
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Sometimes, I wish emails from my family had an *unsubscribe* button at the bottom.
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09-30-2009 05:08 by Tiffany
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Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.
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09-30-2009 05:07 by Tiffany
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Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody's drunk in the kitchen.
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09-29-2009 23:04 by Seagren
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Today, my friend from school was saying how her 'nano' died. I quickly responded by saying "so? recharge it." Turns out she didn't say 'nano', she said 'nana'. dammit....
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09-29-2009 23:01 by Seagren
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When ever you are single, all you see are couples, but when ever you are in a couple, all you see are hookers.
Lifetime, television for women. Yet for some reason women are always getting beaten on that channel.
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09-29-2009 22:59 by Seagren
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says if it wasn't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done!
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09-29-2009 22:08
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used to have superpowers, but his psychiatrist took them away...
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09-29-2009 18:01
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running around the house with a towel tied around his neck with only his boxers on and a Giant "S" written on his Chest Yelling "This Looks Like a Job for..."
Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
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09-29-2009 15:04
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Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who's self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
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09-29-2009 10:17
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