Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie
←Rate | 11-19-2022 05:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK hear me out on this: a baseball throwing machine, but instead, it shoots out pancakes that you catch with your mouth.
←Rate | 11-19-2022 05:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please stop putting jumpsuits in with the dresses! I don’t want to take off all my clothes to pee!!!
←Rate | 11-19-2022 06:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A New York plastic surgeon has announced that he is creating “vacation breasts,” which are implants that would last two to three weeks. That’s amazing, isn’t it? Who gets a three-week vacation?
←Rate | 11-19-2022 06:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We know your from Michigan because You think alkaline batteries were named for a tiger outfielder.
←Rate | 11-19-2022 06:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ANOTHER DAY has passed by and I still HAVEN’T USED a²+b²=c²
←Rate | 11-19-2022 06:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To whom it may concern, If you are reading this, that means there’s not a thing you can do about it now.
←Rate | 11-20-2022 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still cook my turkey the old fashioned way, I let my mom do it.
←Rate | 11-20-2022 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today at the Buffet I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."
←Rate | 11-20-2022 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
←Rate | 11-20-2022 06:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm leaving Twitter" is the new "I'm moving to Canada."
←Rate | 11-22-2022 06:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon California has the highest rate of both Depression and Adultery. It's a sad state of affairs.
←Rate | 11-22-2022 07:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The gateway to "make up sex" is arguing. Go start a good argument and then give in for the reward.
←Rate | 11-22-2022 08:54 by hubba Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just heard a commercial on the radio that said your hair loss has to do with your jeans. I guess that's why I still have all my hair. Because I don't wear jeans.
←Rate | 11-22-2022 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We live in a " paper straw wrapped in plastic" kind of world. It's all stupid
←Rate | 11-22-2022 21:48 by Cyndi Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Enjoy the warm glow of family and friends this holiday season." ~ crematorium slogan.
←Rate | 11-22-2022 22:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I accidentally took my cats meds this morning... Don't ask meow.
←Rate | 11-23-2022 20:29 by Curly Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girlfriend asked me if I seen the dog bowl. I said no but that would be very interesting.
←Rate | 11-24-2022 10:29 by Curly Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn, Girl. Are you Black Friday? 'Cause I'm wondering what your deal is.
←Rate | 11-25-2022 19:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget that today is "small business Saturday" so only subscribe to OnlyFans accounts in your town
←Rate | 11-26-2022 02:27 by Eddy Comments (0)  




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