flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Fun thing to do #26: Stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
←Rate | 07-14-2015 22:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have nothing in common with people that think about work when they're at home. I don't even think about work when I'm there.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was asked to join the Optimist Club the other day but I just had this feeling that no good would come of it.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon While you're out partying, I'm playing Connect Four with Thin Mints, by myself. Who's the loser now? Not me I've won 5 sleeves times in a row.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? I mean EVERY TIME! It's freakish and it can't really be safe.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck WHAT IS IT DOING HERE I'M TRYING TO SLEEP
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you'd asked me to guess which groups would be really into wearing sunglasses, I would not have gotten 'blind people.'
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets
←Rate | 09-25-2015 17:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm ever in a coma, promise me you'll slip pizza into my IV.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 10:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to passive aggressive training. None of you appear to be very bright... but I'm sure you'll do great!
←Rate | 10-03-2015 10:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
←Rate | 10-12-2015 09:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: being a constant delight just comes naturally to me.
←Rate | 10-12-2015 09:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
←Rate | 10-12-2015 09:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm on my deathbed, I'm definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 07:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.
←Rate | 01-08-2016 18:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarcasm needs its own font
←Rate | 01-08-2016 18:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife: how did you get all that dirt under your fingernails? Me: it's brownies.
←Rate | 01-30-2016 21:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Made it to that level of dad where I just called dibs on the TV that I bought in the house that I own with the cable I pay for.
←Rate | 02-08-2016 07:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have a FitBit. I'm pretty sure I have a solid grasp on how inactive I am. I don't need like bells and alarms and stuff.
←Rate | 02-08-2016 07:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it “Stool Sample.”
←Rate | 05-20-2016 19:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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