Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Describe your boobs using only a picture of them.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When she’s looking for a quick fling and you have a trebuchet in your back yard.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Right or wrong, make a choice. Life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t decide.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I identify as a Non-Bidenary. My pronouns are FJB/lets go Brandon.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Driver: My pronoun is they. Police: Then here’s another ticket.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I live at work and visit the house sometimes.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Transitions Adaptive Lenses: “Experience life well lit.” Me: Oh, I will.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop bringing crappy Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came out into the woods to hear Katy Perry.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woke up today feeling gay! That was close
←Rate | 04-17-2022 04:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone is going on about the pink moon. Somehow, they must've found out that my girlfriend bleached her butthoIe.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 07:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the difference between most hispanics at the border and stoners? Storners have papers.....
←Rate | 04-17-2022 09:58 by DJJIMBOFUNATANYBAR Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will never drive a Jeep because you have to wave at other Jeep owners and I don't need that kind of pressure in my life.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 10:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them… it’s not chocolate! 🐰🐣🐇
←Rate | 04-17-2022 12:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Playing "Real Boxing" on my IPad makes me feel like much more of a badass than I actually am.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 22:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need advice…. Never mind, I already did the stupid thing.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 01:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gas Pump: Do you want a receipt? Me: No, I’d rather forget this.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 01:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never let a recipe tell you how much cheese to put in. Measure it with your heart.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 01:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you get white milk from white cows, chocolate milk from brown cows, where does pink milk come from?
←Rate | 04-18-2022 01:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Punishable by fine means legal for a price.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 01:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Co-workers are like string lights. They all hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 01:22 Comments (0)  




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