flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon every time I come home after being around another dog, mine looks at me like I cheated on him
←Rate | 05-23-2011 05:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate having to hold my wife's purse when she's buying shoes, especially when she's buying them on Zappos!
←Rate | 05-23-2011 05:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon just saw a homeless guy blasting Nickleback on his radio, proving that listening to Nickelback leads to homelessness
←Rate | 05-23-2011 05:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My supervisor told me "I like working with you. You're the only one I can have a interlectrical conversation with". I don't know if I should feel honored, or ashamed that this man is my boss
←Rate | 05-22-2011 19:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm really going to crap my pants today if there is an apocalypse. Of course, I might just crap them anyhow, regardless what happens.
←Rate | 05-21-2011 02:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon hey if tomorrow is the rapture could one of you atheists stop by and feed my dog? Feel free to help yourself to my prescription pills and booze
←Rate | 05-20-2011 06:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know birthday cake is the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody still rushes to get a piece?
←Rate | 05-19-2011 11:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
←Rate | 05-18-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its hard to work when the theme song to the Gummi Bears cartoon is running through your head
←Rate | 05-15-2011 05:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people ask if they can get me anything, I always ask for a jetpack.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 03:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was younger, I wanted to be a famous writer like Hemingway. I got the alcoholism down, just not the hunting and suicide part
←Rate | 05-11-2011 18:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't consider my dog my child. My child would not be able to knock you down like Ray Lewis and crush your bones with her jaw at 9 months
←Rate | 05-11-2011 18:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 47% of Detroit residents cannot read. No kidding, they would have read the signs welcoming them to Detroit and leave.
←Rate | 05-08-2011 17:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Vanilla Ice, how does one rock a mic like a Vandal? By sacking Rome?
←Rate | 05-08-2011 17:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw an ad in the paper about making money buying abandoned self storage units. Or as I like to call it: entry level grave robbing.
←Rate | 05-08-2011 17:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out
←Rate | 05-03-2011 12:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon the royal wedding is as close to porn for females as you're ever gonna see...except Twilight
←Rate | 04-29-2011 13:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people say “I'm not getting any younger!” I wonder what other basic life concepts they just figured out
←Rate | 04-29-2011 06:03 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Driving home today I saw a guy in a pink snuggie jogging. Sadly that's not the craziest thing I've seen in this town.
←Rate | 04-28-2011 10:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If, at any point, you stopped for Hammer Time, I think it is now safe to proceed
←Rate | 04-28-2011 10:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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