Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6153 of 6369
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
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02-02-2010 21:23
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"Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."
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02-02-2010 21:22
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"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
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02-02-2010 21:21
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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
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02-02-2010 20:46
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The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.
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02-02-2010 20:46
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Books, like friends, should be few, and well chosen.
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02-02-2010 20:44
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just read an article on heavy drinking and it scared the sh*t out of me! So thats it!! After today no more f*cking reading!!
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02-02-2010 20:40
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If they can send one man to the moon why can't they send them all?
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02-02-2010 20:37
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The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege
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02-02-2010 20:35
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I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons
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02-02-2010 20:34
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"Some people say that one's personality is reflected off of their car... Well, I have no car."
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02-02-2010 20:32
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lets flip a coin....heads I get tail and tails I get head!!
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02-02-2010 20:30
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the groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, did NOT see his shadow, meaning six more weeks of winter. In related news, George W. Bush was spotted blotting out the sun over North America this morning.....I'm sure he'll catch the blame, regardless.
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02-02-2010 20:05 by JG
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I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, "Did you know it's time for your annual check-up?" No, but now my mailman does.
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02-02-2010 17:45 by cj
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saw a girl with a sweatshirt that said Abercrombie and Fitch. So I introduced myself..apparently that was not the names of her breasts..OUCH!!
beer may not be the answer but it helps you forget the question
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02-02-2010 16:55
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I thought I loved her. Then I went to to strip joint. I never returned home.
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02-02-2010 16:34
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The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
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02-02-2010 16:33 by Octane
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Guys are like a snow storm, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
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02-02-2010 16:32 by Octane
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