Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon saw a girl with a sweatshirt that said Abercrombie and Fitch. So I introduced myself..apparently that was not the names of her breasts..OUCH!!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:55 by Sweet Jonny Crash Comments (0)  


   messageicon beer may not be the answer but it helps you forget the question
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought I loved her. Then I went to to strip joint. I never returned home.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:33 by Octane Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys are like a snow storm, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:33 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:32 by Octane Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:31 by Octane Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:29 by Octane Comments (0)  


   messageicon How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:28 by Octane Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishes the world was her own personal globe, one good spin and "certain people" would fall off!!!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 15:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hopes that the "band" Owl-City are driving around in a recalled Toyota.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a nag. I'm a motivational speaker.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 14:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking she got sick from reading all those statuses of others being sick, next time please cover your statuses when you write...Thank you
←Rate | 02-02-2010 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon heard the Japanese have invented a camera with a shutter so fast that it can actually photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not good in relationships.My last relationship ended when I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam up to the surface.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 13:36 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon wished I could teach you.... but you cant teach "awesomeness," so just hang out in the back and watch me work!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 13:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 12:26 by SLONEY Comments (0)  


   messageicon born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 12:20 by SLONEY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like escalators because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You'll never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize that you can still...get up there.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 11:45 by tomcall Comments (0)  


   messageicon Joe Biden saw his shadow today. Looks like at least six more weeks of healthcare arguments and accusations.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 10:47 Comments (0)  




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