Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Them: Did you adopt your cat? Me: No, it’s my biological cat.
←Rate | 07-01-2021 05:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cosby gets out of prison and onto a bus. Next to a long rock wall he finds a letter. He goes to Mexico where he finds Epstein working on a boat.
←Rate | 07-01-2021 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't expect me to stop if you break down on the road. I'm sure that you were warned about your car's warranty expiring.
←Rate | 07-01-2021 14:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I leave a restaurant, I always stop by a random table and say, “Thank you for taking care of our check.”
←Rate | 07-01-2021 14:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
←Rate | 07-02-2021 06:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I order something online and there's a "Delivery Notes" box I put "Cross moat, Slay dragon, Leave item on back porch."
←Rate | 07-02-2021 06:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‘Shake It Off’ is probably my favorite urinal sing-along song.
←Rate | 07-02-2021 08:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The way they're sending civilians into space nowadays is one small step for man one impossible leap for anyone who doesn't have a million dollars who'd like to go.
←Rate | 07-02-2021 08:41 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I brushed my teeth without watching in the mirror and now my eyebrows are clean.
←Rate | 07-02-2021 11:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Pride flag is up all year around, it's red, white, and blue. Merica' 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
←Rate | 07-02-2021 18:52 by Matt Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to surprise your partner in bed is by dying in your sleep.
←Rate | 07-03-2021 05:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a 129.00 Kylie Minogue concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it. You never know when you might need a nail.
←Rate | 07-04-2021 00:19 by DJJackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon “It will be celebrated with pomp and parade, bonfires and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other.” ~ John Adams
←Rate | 07-04-2021 06:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If women had boobs on their back they would be more fun to dance with.
←Rate | 07-04-2021 11:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All of the mosquitos in my yard just received the Moderna vaccine.
←Rate | 07-07-2021 02:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d rather see a woman who smoked a joint represent the USA in the Olympics than one who turns her back on the flag. I said what I said.
←Rate | 07-07-2021 07:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon will never understand why soccer players celebrate a goal by running around more. you did good! take a lil’ break
←Rate | 07-07-2021 09:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 41 shot in NYC this past weekend, 77 in Chicago, 24 in Atlanta. But it's ok... no need for the media to report it. There were no police officers involved.
←Rate | 07-07-2021 09:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about being over 50 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.
←Rate | 07-08-2021 07:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
←Rate | 07-08-2021 07:11 Comments (0)  




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