Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon From now on I will be doing my laundry while nude. This way when I'm done, I will truly be finished washing all of my clothes.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 10:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man, my supervisor should've called in sick today, I think he has diarrhea of the mouth.... that's right, he can't stop talking s#*t!
←Rate | 03-15-2010 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks it should be illegal to do construction, mow, and/or weed whack before noon.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 10:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon used Tag bodywash this morning and was looking forward to a goodtime before work. Unfortunately, no girls busted through walls or outran cheetahs to ravage me, dammit.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a guy takes Viagra and his erection does last more than 4 hours, do you HONESTLY think he calls his doctor to complain or does he go through his phone and line up his booty calls???
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, when you expect a guy 2 be completely honest with u, I laugh. you women wear heels- UR not that tall, you wear makeup- you don't look like that, you color you hair- UR not a blonde. Everything about you is a lie & you expect a man to tell you the
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:53 Comments (1)  


   messageicon a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why get stuck with the whole pig just for a little sausage?
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:34 by Me Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last time I was at the hospital lab they asked for a urine sample. I said " No more samples! Either you buy it or you don't! I can't just go giving away free samples every time I come here."
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:29 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon says"why buy the cow when you can get milk for free?"
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:23 by kellyseduction Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only reason Rihanna repeats everything in her songs is so noone will notice if the record skips during a concert like Milli Vanilli.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:07 by bigedusw Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pls work on your lyrics Rihanna.. B'coz men hate it when you say the same things again and again. No wonder you got hit by Chris Brown.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 07:32 by Sureshrenga Comments (1)  


   messageicon doesn't think that it was ever Benjamin Franklin's intention for us to give up an hour on a Saturday night... What's wrong with giving up the hour on Monday?
←Rate | 03-15-2010 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon be nice to me.. with minimum effort I can make things very very difficult
←Rate | 03-15-2010 06:34 by johnny5 Comments (0)  


   messageicon eating his cocoa puffs and when I am done I will drink the chocolate milk!!! yeah that's right that's how I roll!
←Rate | 03-15-2010 06:33 by johnny5 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It may look like i'm doing nothing but at the cellular level i'm actually quite busy.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 06:23 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do we always have to lose an hour on the weekend to make it shorter? Why cant Spring forward happen on a Friday afternoon so we can leave work earlier for happy hour?
←Rate | 03-15-2010 06:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon do some people have common sense!We are classmates then you send me a request to be your fan!not even friend,FAN!stupid twat!Go jump off a cliff!
←Rate | 03-15-2010 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon its so cold outside I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets
←Rate | 03-15-2010 02:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my women like I like my coffee...tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes behind a donkey.
←Rate | 03-14-2010 23:48 by ANGELA Comments (0)  




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