Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Beer goggles don't exist…you knew what she looked like, but also figured you could get away with it because of all the shots of tequila you'd had.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:25 by Brades Comments (0)  


   messageicon having a 10 second honda is kinda like coming out of the closet, some people may be surpised at first but in the end your still gay
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:25 by Bossman Comments (1)  


   messageicon We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:24 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon saw this on an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, oh...fly Delta?)
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:10 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon can't stand people who say "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:07 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Megan Fox naked. Oops. This isn't Google.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon went 2 the corner store and saw the ugliest pregnant lady in the world and I just thought, 'Good for you.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:03 by matt Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:00 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 14:59 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is too short to dance with fat girls
←Rate | 03-16-2010 14:12 by DR ST1CKY Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you get if you eat a Blackberry ? ... A Bluetooth.....
←Rate | 03-16-2010 14:06 by Y.P Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions....
←Rate | 03-16-2010 13:47 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate....
←Rate | 03-16-2010 13:46 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Polygram records,Warner Bros,and Keebler merged would the company be called Poly-Warner-Cracker?
←Rate | 03-16-2010 13:22 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say that three out of four Americans have a mental illness of some kind. Look at three of your friends. If they seem okay,then you're that person.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 13:18 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon had a wonderful day. Unfortunately, this wasn't it.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 12:29 by gator Comments (0)  


   messageicon cautious. There is a "Stop Time" button on the microwave that was probably supposed to read "Stop Timer" but I don't press it, just in case.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 11:39 by markf Comments (1)  


   messageicon Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you're finished
←Rate | 03-16-2010 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sexual position 69 is now 96, due to the poor economy the price of eating out has gone up
←Rate | 03-16-2010 10:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was?
←Rate | 03-16-2010 10:35 by MG Comments (0)  




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