Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Just wondering why I was getting dirty looks from the clerk at the general store at 4am the other night. All I did was purchase Black garbage bags, duct tape, bleech, and latex gloves.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 10:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon believes Jimmy Buffet said it best. . . "Why dont we get drunk and screw?" Happy St. Patrick's and Hump Day everyone!!!
←Rate | 03-17-2010 10:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon on a dating site and asked if could add the girl to facebook... her response "dont think we are quite there yet" its official facebook is the new 1st base!
←Rate | 03-17-2010 10:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 10:05 by Brades Comments (0)  


   messageicon would like the PETA people not to have a cow because some people like to eat a good steak.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 09:35 by Marymc Comments (0)  


   messageicon riding the escalator the other day, and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half..
←Rate | 03-17-2010 08:31 by Yaj Comments (2)  


   messageicon The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 08:06 by Bonnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's Tip: Be kind to your fellow man....remember to courtesy flush.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet Curious George's owner is getting his azz pinched off today for St Patty's Day
←Rate | 03-17-2010 07:29 by ds Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a fight with the wife and didn't see her for three days... Then the swelling went down and I could see her out of one eye
←Rate | 03-17-2010 07:28 by MG Comments (0)  


   messageicon its all fun and games until someone presses charges!
←Rate | 03-17-2010 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The richest person is not the one who has the most,while he is the one who needs less.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 06:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon St. Patricks Day. The only time of the year when people are proud of having a bit of Irish in them.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 04:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon traveling through a maze.. In other words he's amazing
←Rate | 03-17-2010 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon gonna stand outside, so when people ask where I am you can tell them "He's outstanding!"
←Rate | 03-17-2010 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon that a keg in your back pocket? Cause I'd tap it
←Rate | 03-17-2010 01:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are the rain to my showers, the April to my flowers, the fresh to my air, you are the sun to my set, you make my day beautiful.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 01:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if I get stopped for speeding in a Toyota can I tell the officer I had a "Prius-exisiting condition?"
←Rate | 03-16-2010 21:35 by QueenBee404 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Every leader that is willing to go forward has got to get used to getting wounded and scarred by those he's willing to live and die for."
←Rate | 03-16-2010 20:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sure i'll sign oprah's pledge to make my car a cell free zone... it'll free up both hands to hold my grey goose bottle.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 20:34 Comments (0)  




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