Funny Status Messages

   It doesn't matter who you vote for, what matters is who counts the votes.

   Let's practice for the future: I'll trade you 2 rolls of toilet paper for a cup of sugar, a cup of flour and we switch places in this ridiculously long line.

   I have zero interest in joining Parler. It's a safe haven for right wing conspiracy theorists, much in the same way FB is for the left. Where can we find truth? I'll tell you this, it's not from biased social media sites.

   I'm so glad the elections are over and we can put all that stress behind us and move on to being stessed about the holidays.

   I’m just glad election week is over ...

   Does anyone know where I can get in line for one of the millions upon millions of vaccine shots that would be "Ready to go" election day?

   Does any lady just out there just wanna get married just to say we did it!?!??

   I think I turned back my clock way too far, I just saw a guy with a mullet at Kmart .

   I ate a kid's meal at McDonalds this morning . His mom was furious.

   Uncircumcised? Hey, at least you have one hoodie she can't steal.

   Who am I sad passed away? Anwer: Alex Trebek.

   I had three cabbage rolls before bed. No need for an alarm clock.

   Realtor Dog: if you’d like to buy this house, pee here… and here

   A Swiss army knife, but one that has a tool that closes your mouth when you’re about to say something stupid.

   I dropped the keys to my jeep between the seat then accidentally locked my hair in the car door if you’re looking for a sophisticated woman with style and grace.

   I met my wife online. We’ve been married four years and have a girl, a troll and lovely twin bots.

   yes I am an embarrassment to my family but I am also an embarrassment to other families

   The most unrealistic part of Star Wars is that everyone knows how to fix their own spaceship.

   How come there’s never a first call for alcohol?

   I can see the appeal of being a nudest everytime I do laundry