Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   seriously ....BACON flavored Vodka !?!?!? Now all you alcoholics that are on the Atkins diet REJOICE !!!!!!! do the fat happy dance...and fall over !!!!

   wondering..uhh...if Wonder Woman's plane was invisible... how the $%@! did she find it?

   thinking Starbucks should come out with a Venti Cafe Mocha Xanax Rum STFU

   can't stand Cows. They're way too dramatic. If it's not one thing, it's an udder.

   Gimme back that Filet-O-Fish... Gimme that fish!

   Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

   the only blizzard I want to see is from Dairy Queen.

   I like to go up to people playing Solitaire and ask "Who's winning?"

   Nice Legs What time do they open?

   your really ugly, please stop trying to take seductive pictures of yourself...

   I'll have a Cafe-Moca-Vodka-Valium-Latte to go please...

   wonders why people say "that sucks" for bad things; clearly they haven't had any experience that relates to the second word within quotes

   the guy in the stall next to you.I just made a noise so you know I`m there..

   just at the doctors office getting a prostate exam, probably shouldn't have eaten beans and saurkraut beforehand

   thinks people should create their own party instead of complaining about everyone in power.

   thinks that this is finally some "change" we can believe in............failing!

   translating naughty words on google translate.

   why is that when you don't agree with anything Obama is doing his "fans" always come back with lame remark about Bush just cause you dont like Obama doesnt mean you are pro Bush ignorant fools.

   Life is too short to dance with fat chicks

   I've just got a nice little part-time job at the local funeral home.I only work mournings.