flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
←Rate | 06-29-2011 17:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kanye West leaned back in his chair, stroking his Persian cat. His scheme to become the biggest douche in the world was coming to fruition.
←Rate | 06-29-2011 06:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am still disappointed that I was not nominated for a BET award.
←Rate | 06-28-2011 11:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its up to you if you want to sneak your IPod into a meeting. Just don't do an air drum solo. It gives you away.
←Rate | 06-28-2011 11:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 85% of women go through life with the wrong bra size. Meanwhile every guy over 17 can tell you the exact measurement of their d!ck. Who's smarter now ladies?
←Rate | 06-24-2011 09:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's not many things more awkward than telling a guy with a rebel flag t-shirt you're from Gettysburg, Pa
←Rate | 06-23-2011 05:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its impossible to say the word "ironic" without some idiot saying "don't ya think"...Thanks a lot Alanis Morissette
←Rate | 06-23-2011 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have an irrational fear of parking by a dumpster at night because I think a gorilla will jump out of it.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 05:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a Miss USA contestant, my go-to answer in the Q&A segment would be "Who cares? Did you see my rack and smile combo?"
←Rate | 06-21-2011 05:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was little, I used to sing in the shower. Now, I make life decisions in there
←Rate | 06-21-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can listen to Phil Collins "In the air tonight" and not play the air drums, then you my friend have no soul!
←Rate | 06-20-2011 06:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I question the marketing department at car dealerships. Does anyone drive by and say "Look balloons! I gotta buy a car!"
←Rate | 06-20-2011 05:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rihanna sings about how chains and whips excite her. I wonder if her ancestors felt the same way!
←Rate | 06-20-2011 05:38 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My father taught me a lot of things, however, the most important thing he taught me was how to be a great dad. A close second is how to have a conversation with someone for a half an hour even though you can't remember their name or anything else
←Rate | 06-19-2011 06:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only rule when a Genie grants you a wish is that you cannot wish for more wishes. Think outside the Box and wish for more Genies. The moral is that, every situation has a loop hole
←Rate | 06-18-2011 05:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today the glass is half full but I don't trust the water is filtered, the glass looks dirty & the person that served me has an open wound on their serving hand
←Rate | 06-18-2011 05:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon After years of frowning at us and shaking their heads disapprovingly,we find out that the sanctimonious "goody two shoes" Canadians are bad losers. I feel better about myself.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 12:35 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
←Rate | 06-16-2011 05:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I was as dedicated to anything as much as I am to using movie lines in everyday conversation
←Rate | 06-16-2011 05:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not sure what's harder to believe the Canucks losing a game they invented, or that Honda thinks Zombies will help sell cars
←Rate | 06-16-2011 05:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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