father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Another successful year no random father's day cards in the mail!!!

   I was talking to the local kids last night, telling them they are ruining what our fore father's created. One kid said, "my mom sleeps around but I ain't got four fathers!". I shook my head and got his mom's number.

   The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."

   He's really got his father's scalp.

   What an idiot that Maury is, inviting me onto his "Father's Day DNA special"..... I don't even have any kids.

   If your father never hugged you as a child then Rugby is the perfect sport for you.

   Every time a white guy sags his pants, somewhere in the world, a black baby grows up with a father.

   A pregnant prostitute went to a doctor and he asked, “Do you know who the father is?” She replied, “Well, if you ate a can of baked beans, do you know which one made you fart?”

   Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.

   So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D

   Speaking of Fathers Day... The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."

   Still no Fathers Day card from my kids. Just because they are short, furry and talk funny is no excuse....it's hard being a single father.

   Congrats Khloe Kardashian! You're father was granted parole!

   RIP ... George Jefferson.....Father of Swag

   Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.

   I forgot to buckle my 5 year old up in the car today, and while leaving the parking lot, this guy yells, "You're an irresponsible father!". I was like, "What the hell is that guy's problem? Stop the car son!"

   "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.

   thinks that the mother and father bear from Goldilocks and the 3 bears had some relationship issues as evident from the fact that they had separate beds!

   My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.

   To all the women I've dated. If we have a secret love child together that you never told me about, just have them get me a giftcard for Father's Day. Thanks!