Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6 of 6369
Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.
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05-22-2022 03:45
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I was born a male and I identify as a male, but according to Stouffers portions, I'm a family of four.
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06-07-2022 12:07
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Australian Kiss ~ Kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
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06-23-2022 01:23
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They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
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06-24-2022 23:15
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What does the sign on the out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.
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06-26-2022 00:12
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There is only one way to avoid criticism: Say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.
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06-27-2022 03:07
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I grew up with six siblings. That's how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom.
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07-23-2022 23:28
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Stop trying to please people who don’t like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they’ve ever met. 😊
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01-24-2023 00:18
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Apparently, “the vibes are off” isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.
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04-22-2022 00:13
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Cats are starting pyramid schemes and dogs are falling for them.
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04-22-2022 23:19
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You don’t lose friends. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost.
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01-07-2023 15:00
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When you tell your girl to shave her baby maker and you wake up bald.
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01-18-2023 01:21
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Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
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01-06-2023 19:59
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“I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.
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01-07-2023 12:20
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Just heard my knee crack so loud, I expected it to glow in the dark.
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01-07-2023 13:45
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Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
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01-18-2023 18:49
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An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
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06-05-2022 02:54
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China Hut: People that don’t like cats, just haven’t had them prepared properly.
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06-08-2022 01:36
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Jurassic World is about a pharma company that uses a DNA-altering pathogen to destroy farmland and deliberately cause a worldwide food crisis to force everyone to buy their products. Science Fiction is Fun!
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06-20-2022 03:31
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Your handwriting is just your hand’s accent.
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07-23-2022 23:29
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