Funny Status Messages Search

X I hate how the iPhone auto-corrects "f**k that" to "yes, dear".

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-06-2010 12:09 by Aaron Comments (0)

X After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-16-2010 18:55 by Aaron Comments (0)

X This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-29-2012 08:40 by Aaron Comments (0)

X If I could do a back flip you'd know it because that's how I would exit every room.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-07-2011 15:29 by Aaron Comments (0)

X "I knew you'd be back." -The Drawing Board

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-10-2011 13:55 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-30-2012 19:53 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Wearing socks is as close as I'll ever get to mopping.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-04-2012 19:46 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I drank my 8 glasses of water today. Well... 90% water anyway, there may have been some barley, hops, and yeast mixed in there for taste

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-15-2010 09:18 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Of Course I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice!

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-12-2012 18:29 by Aaron Comments (0)

X You can take one hell of a beating from an olive branch.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-16-2012 19:31 by Aaron Comments (0)

X The brain has around 100 billion neurons in it. Makes you think

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-10-2012 12:43 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-29-2010 22:22 by Aaron Comments (0)

X says got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-19-2010 19:45 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Someone just accused me of living high on the hog. I didn't even know they knew I smoked bacon.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-30-2010 16:50 by Aaron Comments (0)

X The Karma cafe has no menus. You get served what you deserve.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-22-2012 21:34 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I find it helps to organize chores into categories: Things I won't do now; Things I won't do later; and, Things I'll never do.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-29-2010 11:37 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I think I'll skip English tomorrow. There are just certain aspects of Moby I don't want to know about.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-23-2010 15:28 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Calling me paranoid just confirmed all my suspicions.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-17-2013 13:29 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I rate that sharks circle before attacking because humans taste better without sh*t in them.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-19-2012 08:27 by Aaron Comments (0)

X You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-14-2011 01:18 by Aaron Comments (0)