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X I hate how the iPhone auto-corrects "f**k that" to "yes, dear".
X After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
X This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
X If I could do a back flip you'd know it because that's how I would exit every room.
X "I knew you'd be back." -The Drawing Board
X I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
X Wearing socks is as close as I'll ever get to mopping.
X I drank my 8 glasses of water today. Well... 90% water anyway, there may have been some barley, hops, and yeast mixed in there for taste
X Of Course I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice!
X You can take one hell of a beating from an olive branch.
X The brain has around 100 billion neurons in it. Makes you think
X I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
X says got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
X Someone just accused me of living high on the hog. I didn't even know they knew I smoked bacon.
X The Karma cafe has no menus. You get served what you deserve.
X I find it helps to organize chores into categories: Things I won't do now; Things I won't do later; and, Things I'll never do.
X I think I'll skip English tomorrow. There are just certain aspects of Moby I don't want to know about.
X Calling me paranoid just confirmed all my suspicions.
X I rate that sharks circle before attacking because humans taste better without sh*t in them.
X You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!