totalpackage Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I don't mind drinking 1% milk as long as the other other 99% is some combination of vodka and Kahlua.
←Rate | 09-13-2011 14:47 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Switzerland's economy was ranked #1 by the World Economic Forum while the U.S. fell to #5.....I guess those little Swiss army knives must be selling like hotcakes! ツ
←Rate | 09-13-2011 01:26 by totalpackage Comments (1)  


   messageicon Researchers have indicated that one anonymous sperm donor has fathered over 1200 children in the past 20 years...Unfortunately for him, he had to retire after he blew out his elbow! ツ
←Rate | 09-12-2011 08:45 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least they performed better than the Ram pickup you push to Kragen every day...lol.----Okay, not original but I HAD to do it!
←Rate | 09-12-2011 08:43 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never wave to a proctologist...You may get the finger in return!
←Rate | 08-31-2011 13:18 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon heard Chaz Bono insisted he be paired with a female partner on "Dancing With The Stars" so ABC immediately went out and got Richard Simmons!
←Rate | 08-29-2011 01:52 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I noticed the storm track seems to be somewhere between the moon and New York City!
←Rate | 08-26-2011 23:25 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon The bum economy has sent gold prices sky rocketing....It's so high that an angry flash mob looted Mr. T!
←Rate | 08-20-2011 15:56 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon noticed it's very difficult these days to find something on television that doesn't have to do with cake! :/
←Rate | 08-18-2011 14:05 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it when deer decide to commit suicide they always choose my car as the weapon of choice!? :/
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:27 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm convinced my physical therapist thinks I'm a cross between "Gumby" and "Stretch Armstrong"....Today I left her office (a.k.a medieval torture chamber) folded into some form of decorative origami. :/
←Rate | 08-05-2011 16:54 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon has become a master at using shake weights...I guess those trombone lessons paid off after all!
←Rate | 07-27-2011 13:43 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon After suffering my 5000th stubbed toe, I believe now is the time to invent "Nerf" end tables!
←Rate | 07-25-2011 12:59 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jeez it's hot again...Today I've opted to wear my Dyson Air Multiplier around my neck!
←Rate | 07-23-2011 16:55 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hard to believe Amy Winehouse "vapor locked" today....I always thought that heroine, speed, crack and booze were part of the 4 basic food groups.
←Rate | 07-23-2011 13:30 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow it's hot!.....I'm sweating like a Priest at a Cub Scout picnic! ツ
←Rate | 07-22-2011 16:49 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a move to divide California into two states: The state of poverty and the state of bankruptcy.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 00:13 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like to congratulate Charlie Sheen on his demotion from CBS to TBS...If he keeps progrssing at this pace, his next stop should be "dinner theater" at an L.A. soup kitchen.
←Rate | 07-18-2011 14:11 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Casey Anthony turned up missing after being released from jail....Florida police plan on sending officers to investigate it----In 31 days.
←Rate | 07-17-2011 00:58 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Census Bureau admits to undercounting over a million residents in California.....Congrats to Schwarzenegger for managing to cover up all those illegitimate kids!
←Rate | 07-04-2011 15:55 by totalpackage Comments (0)  




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