MWC Funny Status Messages

   You know your old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!

   Patiently waiting for the Pro zac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!!!

   Ladies, It don't matter how tall or how short you are...but there is a weight limit

   When I was born God gave me two choices, I could either be good in bed or have a great memory..Sh !t I forgot what I was going to tell you.

   I just had dead pig and unborn chickens for breakfast!

   Went to the grocery store with my sister and she got kicked out because she was complaining that all the bananas were bent...

   All those exercise videos are worthless, I bought and watch them over and over and not lost one lb

   I can't change the channel when those stupid snuggie commercials come on because I'm under a blanket and I don't want my arms to get cold.

   How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?

   If you are down and depressed and don't know what to do, just remember, Nationwide is on your side.

   it normal that one of my balls is bigger then the other two?

   Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying. "If you build it...they will come"?

   If there is water in a watermelon, then whats in a kumquat?

   There is a big difference between a boy and a girl when the sy "I went through a whole box of tissue watching a movie".

   <---just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box!!

   has been sitting on this fence trying to decide which side is greener and the only conclusion I have made is this fence is hard and it makes my butt hurt

   As I get older I spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter. Every time I enter a room, I have to stop and say, "Now what am I here after?"

   Hello! I am the Happiness Fairy. I've come to sprinkle happy dust to brighten your day. Now cheer up damn it, this sh it is expensive!

   They say laughing 100 times is equivalent to working out for ten minutes, I'm scared if I get going I'll laugh myself into anorexia

   I wasn't speeding officer, but I passed several people who were!