snotty Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'snotty': View All Messages
Page: 6 of 160

   messageicon I personally prefer Right Twix because I don't agree with Left Twix's stance on crumb control.
←Rate | 11-05-2016 13:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon (Giving TED talk) Me: *points at guy* sir, reach under your chair!... *he does and a mousetrap snaps on his hand*... Me: trust no one *audience claps*
←Rate | 11-05-2016 12:55 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hugged someone else's mom at a park once and now mine won't pick me up bc I smell like other mom now
←Rate | 11-05-2016 12:53 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife: Can you pick up milk?... Me: [lifts gallon] Yea sure, it's easy... Wife: I mean from the store.... Me: Umm ok, but I would imagine it weighs the same there too
←Rate | 11-05-2016 12:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen,,, If self-deprecation was a competitive sport,,, I probably wouldn't even get a medal.
←Rate | 11-05-2016 11:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon [job interview] Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish... Would you care to expand on that?
←Rate | 11-05-2016 11:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon You burn more calories chasing after your cat than you get from eating it. It's the celery of pets.
←Rate | 11-04-2016 21:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The order the Star Wars movies are being released is based on the order in which Yoda would count from one to nine.
←Rate | 11-04-2016 19:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
←Rate | 11-04-2016 19:16 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
←Rate | 11-04-2016 18:02 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just here to finish my community service hours.
←Rate | 11-04-2016 17:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want to live in a world where you don't have to update Adobe flash every day
←Rate | 11-04-2016 17:48 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying I'm clumsy but every time I try to open a lounge chair, The Entertainer starts playing out of nowhere.
←Rate | 11-03-2016 17:12 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The trick to everything is have someone else do it.
←Rate | 11-03-2016 17:11 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you hear a loud, frustrated sigh carried by the wind tonight, it's me casting my early vote.
←Rate | 11-03-2016 14:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can you imagine the pressure Morgan Freeman's mom felt reading him a bedtime story?
←Rate | 11-01-2016 17:54 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon One small step for man... One giant leap for Danny DeVito.
←Rate | 11-01-2016 17:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just microwaved a Hot Pocket all the way through on the 1st try,,, So I'm basically a chef at Applebee's now if anyone needs anything.
←Rate | 11-01-2016 07:47 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who think they can run away from their problems have obviously never farted on a treadmill.
←Rate | 11-01-2016 07:45 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Taco Bell is doing a promotion where if a player steals a base in the World Series,,, everyone in America would get a free Doritos Locos Taco.. Which is a great way for both players and fans to have lots of runs.
←Rate | 11-01-2016 07:39 by snotty Comments (0)  



[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left