flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The worst thing about parallel parking are witnesses.
←Rate | 05-21-2014 05:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
←Rate | 05-08-2014 05:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
←Rate | 05-02-2014 05:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm "had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn't pick up and start dialing" years old.
←Rate | 04-30-2014 06:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
←Rate | 04-29-2014 08:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it's a small soft drink.
←Rate | 04-29-2014 06:09 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
←Rate | 04-23-2014 05:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Millions of men have fought and died just so you have the right to go on a website and whine about your ever so slightly imperfect life
←Rate | 04-18-2014 06:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
←Rate | 04-18-2014 06:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you've ever put away a kitchen knife and not imagined the day you'll dramatically fight a burglar with it, congrats, I guess you're the adult.
←Rate | 04-17-2014 09:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon n't it interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
←Rate | 04-15-2014 05:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You should try these mushrooms. They're a type of flavorless fungus that have flecks of cow poop clinging to their surface!"
←Rate | 03-25-2014 05:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember before facebook when thoughts stayed in people’s heads?
←Rate | 03-17-2014 06:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because NO ONE IS HITTING SNOOZE WHEN THEY HEAR THAT
←Rate | 03-15-2014 06:35 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please hold, your call is important to us. Not “hire more operators” important.. But like “if you need to hang up, that’s cool” important
←Rate | 03-11-2014 05:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
←Rate | 03-11-2014 05:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do marathons (on Netflix).
←Rate | 03-10-2014 05:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man, kids really do ask some tough questions. One just came up to me and said “what’s Nicolas Cage’s worst film?” I mean how do you even answer that?
←Rate | 03-06-2014 05:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Proverbs 9:8 "do not correct a scoffer, or he will hate you" or in modern words "haters gonna hate"
←Rate | 02-24-2014 11:40 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying the word “awkward” in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it
←Rate | 02-21-2014 05:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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