Mick F Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A guy is on a tightrope between two skyscrapers. Another guy is getting a smokejob from a 90 year old lady. What are they both thinking?...Don't look down.
←Rate | 09-17-2011 21:55 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog ate a whole bottle of Tums. I freaked! I called the Vet and asked him what I should do. He said to take him out for Mexican.
←Rate | 09-17-2011 17:33 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told some guy his fly was open. He asked me if I noticed a soldier standing at attention. I said. "No, I saw a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
←Rate | 09-17-2011 16:35 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep playing my Highway to Hell cd over and over. I think I have OCDC.
←Rate | 09-17-2011 15:48 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would love to see things from your point of view, but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass
←Rate | 09-17-2011 15:15 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon God then gave lean beef so that Man might eat healthy and still satisfy his appetite. But Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger, then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes!" And Satan smiled.
←Rate | 09-17-2011 07:05 by Mick F Comments (1)  


   messageicon My buddy got a cheap hooker. He paid ten dollars and woke up the next day with crabs. He saw the hooker and complained. She said, "Whattya want for ten bucks, lobster?!"
←Rate | 09-16-2011 19:35 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon An old guy asks his pharmacist about V*agra. The pharmacist says it works great. The old guy asks him if he can get it over the counter. The pharmacist said yes, if he takes six.
←Rate | 09-16-2011 13:53 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someday, I hope to disappoint a burglar with my one and only possession. A kitchen drawer filled with Taco Bell sauce packets.
←Rate | 09-16-2011 08:55 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon A mom knows everything about her kids...their favorite foods, friends, clothes, their school reports and their dreams. A dad is vaguely aware that there are some short people staying in the house with him.
←Rate | 09-16-2011 08:40 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some chick with rainbow spiked hair caught me staring. She goes, "What up, dude? Ya never did anything wild?" I said, "I got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my kid."
←Rate | 09-15-2011 20:07 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to hate going to family weddings. All my aunts uncles used to poke me and say, "You're next!" They stopped doing it when I'd say the same thing to them at funerals
←Rate | 09-15-2011 16:57 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon The main difference between The North and The South is, that in The North, "Blow Pop" is a noun, not a verb.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 10:26 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pharmaceutical Generics: Tylenol=acetamophen, Aleve=naproxen, Advil=ibuprofen. Viagara=mycoxafloppin.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 19:16 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chinese couple's wedding night. Time for sex. The bride asks the husband what he wants. He says, "69". She says, "You want Beef with Broccoli?"
←Rate | 09-14-2011 17:44 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
←Rate | 09-13-2011 18:12 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a guy opens the door of his car for a girl, you can be sure of one thing, either the girl is new or the car is.
←Rate | 09-13-2011 07:36 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl told me she was miserable in our relationship. She said she lost 10 lbs. I asked her if it was over and she said, "Not yet, I want to lose 15."
←Rate | 09-13-2011 06:11 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.
←Rate | 09-12-2011 19:56 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mosquito season is here. Put a fabric softener dryer sheet in your pocket to keep those pesky critters at bay. Even if it doesn't work, the Skeeters will be velvety soft and attain an April Fresh scent.
←Rate | 09-12-2011 10:45 by Mick F Comments (0)  




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