Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The 5-second rule should also apply to anything a guy says to his wife or girlfriend. If she looks like she is getting angry, we have 5-seconds to take it back.
←Rate | 06-15-2013 18:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook!
←Rate | 06-15-2013 18:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon That "Free Smells" sign they hang in the window at Jimmy John's sandwich shops? Yeah, it's a lie. They totally asked me to leave.
←Rate | 06-10-2013 14:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pop a molly? Why don't some of you hoes start poppin birth control.
←Rate | 06-09-2013 00:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have to "take a break" then you two are NOT together. Timeouts are for sports, not relationships.
←Rate | 06-09-2013 00:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (3)  


   messageicon If I don't mention you, then the tweet wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bltch up and wear it.
←Rate | 06-08-2013 23:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The term "swag" was invented in the 60s by a group of gay men as an acronym for "Secretly We Are Gay." No wonder Justin Bieber thinks he has so much of it.
←Rate | 06-08-2013 21:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her... immediately!!!!
←Rate | 06-08-2013 21:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Most girls want a polite thug... A dude who will open the door for her but will still smack that ass as she walks past.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 22:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Bae" means "before anything else" I always thought it was a ghetto word for "babe"
←Rate | 06-04-2013 21:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes me approximately 11 "f*cks" to fold up a stroller.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 19:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Balloons are so weird. It's like, "Happy Birthday! Here's a plastic bag full of my breath.... enjoy."
←Rate | 06-04-2013 19:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Excuse me ma'am... I'd like to return this Dream Catcher." "Sir, that's a dead bird caught in a spider web." "Where's your manager!?"
←Rate | 06-04-2013 18:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went shopping and forgot my phone. It's sad when you can't update your stat us. I just started yelling out my status every 20 min. or so. I picked up 3 followers. I think 2 of them were cops though.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 18:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon That'll teach the bltch to keep the house in the divorce... Before I left, I set 3 white rats free in the house with 1, 2, & 4 written on their backs.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 18:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 18:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!
←Rate | 06-04-2013 18:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon How to politely answer to an insult: "I would love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as good as nature did..."
←Rate | 06-04-2013 17:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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