Gil Funny Status Messages

   90% of the prison poulation believes in God. 90% of The Academy of Sciences are atheists. Personally, I'd rather have the guy in the white lab coat as a bunk mate

   Dear T-Rex, Brontosaurus, & Velociraptor. Sorry I ran out of space on my Ark for you.... Noah

   I bought a race horse and named it "my face" just so I can hear women shouting "come on my face!"

   After hearing the news that an AirFrance jumbojet clipped a Delta Airlines plane, France immediately surrendered.

   I just changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so my computer reminds me every time I forget...

   This purple unicorn sitting next to me, while smoking a crack pipe, is saying that I drink too much. I told him to stop smoking crack cocaine. Stupid unicorn drug addicts.

   Ziplock: making a fortune off potheads since 1980

   I'm going to rename my iPhone "virginity", so I can run up and down halls screaming "I lost my virginity!!" several times a year.

   HPAPY ST PTARCIK'S DYA. Kiss me, I'm drunkish!

   Today is International Women's day AND ALSO Fat Tuesday.. Coincidence??...I think not

   I'm pretty sure when Charlie Sheen said he had "Tiger Blood" in him, he was referring to the golfer, not the animal. duh!..Winner!

   This year's national billiards tournament in Vegas was cancelled. Charlie Sheen bought up all the eight-balls.

   Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, some poems rhyme, others don't

   Do you think it's OK to cross out the word LOVE on a Valentines card and replace it with "WANNA F&@K"?

   What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovahs Witness?…. Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.

   Dating websites should model themselves after facebook, with an ugly button.

   only 4 more days before you all make resolutions you won't keep anyway

   Dear Kardashians, your 15 minutes was up a few months ago...

   BREAKING NEWS: Rudolph commits suicide after Santa upgrades to GPS

   I'm buying 100 Gyro-bowls for Christmas. I'm tired of spilling my vodka when I stumble out of the bathroom. who wants one?