totalpackage Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I would like to congratulate myself on placing 18,476th in the "Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest!" ツ
←Rate | 07-04-2012 18:34 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Record temps again tomorrow....If I can find a lemonade stand, I'll be on it like a hillbilly on his half-sister!
←Rate | 07-17-2012 00:29 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was ready to "chow down" at Burger King tonight until I heard their derelict employees have been using the lettuce for a foot bath. :/
←Rate | 07-20-2012 16:07 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told the NCAA I was a Penn State fan and they "vacated" my last 15 birthdays which restores me to my early 20's...Anyone up for a game of beer pong tonight? ツ
←Rate | 07-26-2012 15:55 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon heard on CNN that the blackout in India has affected nearly 700 million people...Good luck getting through to Comcast customer service today! ツ
←Rate | 07-31-2012 13:01 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't really tell the difference between "water polo" or "marco polo", but I know neither one is very thrilling to watch on television. :/
←Rate | 07-31-2012 13:05 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really wish "Mayhem" from Allstate would eliminate "Flo" from Progressive!
←Rate | 08-15-2012 14:13 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was a bit embarrassed about dropping a gallon jug of Heinz ketchup all over aisle 7 at Sam's Club....but I managed to salvage my pride by creating an extemely convincing crime scene!
←Rate | 09-12-2012 01:45 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon After spending 90 bucks for a gas fill-up today, I'm starting to see the advantages of being Amish....
←Rate | 09-15-2012 00:06 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe they're holding off until Christmas for the M̶c̶D̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ McRib this season.....What better time of year for your McBowels to get the McMoves like McJagger and ruin your holiday?!
←Rate | 09-18-2012 20:46 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand Bill Clinton's surge in popularity....Didn't he leave office a dozen years ago as an impeached, disgraced, censured, lying, philandering 2 timing, womanizing, intern-humping, hillbilly?
←Rate | 10-10-2012 21:51 by totalpackage Comments (2)  


   messageicon In celebration of turning a year older, I'll be wearing my birthday suit all day.....so just make sure that's my HAND you're shaking at church tomorrow!
←Rate | 10-21-2012 01:09 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last years Halloween hand-outs of cough drops and marbles were such a hit, I'll be adding baby aspirin and cod liver oil to this years rotation....Trick-or treat! ツ
←Rate | 10-25-2012 12:33 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Steelers must have partied hard last night...They're still wearing their Halloween costumes! ツ
←Rate | 10-28-2012 14:02 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon My car is getting pressure washed...So far, Sandy is dandy!
←Rate | 10-29-2012 01:35 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I set my daylight savings time back 13 years so I could party like it was 1999!
←Rate | 11-04-2012 00:55 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still can't believe I was cited for running through the park naked when it was clearly evident I had black socks on! ツ
←Rate | 11-14-2012 23:21 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry ladies, no more Ding Dongs---and sorry fella's, no more Ho Ho's...R.I.P. Hostess! ツ
←Rate | 11-16-2012 13:27 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sure wish they'd invent an app that keeps birds from crapping on my car! :/
←Rate | 11-19-2012 01:18 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently one of those 3 wishes he got from "Jeanie" didn't include livong forever....RIP Larry Hagman
←Rate | 11-24-2012 15:17 by totalpackage Comments (0)  




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