sully Funny Status Messages

   I put up all the Christmas lights for Easter.......

   Dear Easter Bunny, no chocolate this year..... just bring me gas!! (not the kind that the boiled eggs give you either)

   I'm not here today. This is a holographic representation of me, have a good day....

   What if we're all being punked, and Tupac was always a hologram?

   Very excited for tonight's super moon, but I'm not looking forward to hearing the Mexican-werewolves............

   I would have gone to Clooney's fundraiser for Obama, but I spent my last $40,000 on gas.......

   Thought about hitting the gym today but I called ahead and they said the shake weight is still out of service so screw that.........

   REMEMBER: a noisy BBQ may upset your neighbours. Another great way to annoy them is to throw your rubbish into their garden...

   Facebook stock continues to lose value, in fact it's so bad, hundreds of farmville farms are going into foreclosure.......

   Does anybody no CPR in Miami? Lebron James is doing the International choking sign again.....

   I saw a squirrel eating a dead squirrel on the way home. So, the bath salt/zombie crisis has now reached the animal kingdom...

   My wife said I don't do enough work around the house. Its like she thinks this FB account just runs itself.........smh

   While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window... and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?

   I think I've just convinced my 85yr old neighbor to hop on one leg across her patio railing at 5pm if you guys are interested.........

   Fonzie never wore a safety harness jumping the 14 garbage cans in front of Arnold's or jumping the shark tank. Don't be a Potsie Wallenda, ditch the harness..

   R.I.P Lindsay Lohan : (not really, I'm just practicing.......

   Good mourning...... I hope everyone had a Happy Father's Day, oh..everyone except Jerry Sandusky!!

   Found out at lunch today that apparently, it's rude if you honk your order in Morse code to the drive-thru attendant at McDonald's.......

   Dude fell at Walgreen's & my CPR training instantly kicked in! Had to hit him with the AED (defibrillator) like three times though, because he kept resisting.........

   FYI - If any kids are interested in harassing me on a school bus, or anywhere else for that matter..... I am available. I could use a nice $500,000 long vacation. I'm just saying