hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   The closest I've come to Tebowing was that time I fell asleep on the toilet at work.

   Making mental notes with a pen isn't very smart. I've got ink on my forehead now.

   Whenever I see a fly on a plane, I'm amazed by the wisdom of that choice.

   On the internet you can be whoever you want. It's odd that so many choose to be stupid.

   We all have chapters, in our lives, we don't want published. Be reminded though that it's those chapters which make the book worth reading.

   I guess I should come up with a plan B in case the murderer that breaks into my house figures out how to get this blanket off of me.

   Why I wear thick, fluffy socks: 1% Comfort 1% Warmth 98% Increased ability to slide across floor like a fricken ninja on an invisible surfboard

   I don't think I could be friends with anyone desperate enough to choose me as their emergency contact.

   It would be easier to keep my New Year's resolution to accept and forgive people if they'd stop being the same jacka$$es they were last year.

   People with a Bluetooth look like they're communicating with Douchebag Mission Control.

   I started an Alcohol Free Diet today. So if its Free, I drink it.

   Yawning is the body's way of saying '10% Battery Remaining'.

   Be careful who you call friends. I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.

   Am I the only person who thinks that Walmart is missing out on a major opportunity by not having a Golden Corral in all of their stores?

   Alanis Morissette should have had one hand in her pocket, and the other one Googling the correct usage of the word ironic.

   I hate it when people call me as I'm about to use my phone and I accidentally answer it.

   Yesterday I changed the name of my WiFi to 'Hack if you can'. Today it was called 'Challenge Accepted'

   If you pay a 55-year-old chain-smoking divorcee named Babs to sit nearby and drink beer, Wii Bowling gets a lot more realistic.

   The really great thing about working in the concert business is there is absolutely no way to prove that the weed smell is coming from me.

   If you're going to stalk me at least notice when I'm running low on toilet paper & change the roll.