eengrms Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It's cool how our pinky finger evolved into a cell phone stand...
←Rate | 08-23-2015 11:41 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men are problem solvers, women are problem creators...
←Rate | 09-01-2015 12:01 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time one of my kids complains that the internet is slow, I feel like I'm not adequately preparing them for the real world...
←Rate | 09-07-2015 17:12 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I knew the season was officially out of control when my dealer offered my pumpkin flavored crack...
←Rate | 09-24-2015 13:23 by eengrms Comments (1)  


   messageicon If Hell does exist, there are so many brilliant scientists in there it is probably air-conditioned by now...
←Rate | 09-27-2015 11:12 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon This regular old moon is stupid...
←Rate | 09-28-2015 23:03 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us...
←Rate | 10-26-2015 20:45 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tom Cruise is calling for boycott of McDonalds because there isn't enough pictures of L. Ron Hubbard on the McNugget box..... See how stupid it sounds when it's not your religion?
←Rate | 11-10-2015 15:50 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally something positive about Charlie Sheen...
←Rate | 11-17-2015 10:11 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon What I wanted to do in 2015: drink water and eat healthy. What I actually did in 2015: drink margaritas and eat tacos.
←Rate | 12-03-2015 14:02 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like "Damn, that name's way cooler..."
←Rate | 12-15-2015 09:18 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want an Amazon Echo because I don't need another thing in my house that talks back to me...
←Rate | 02-10-2016 14:36 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
←Rate | 02-15-2016 12:13 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can't help but believe my days around here are numbered...
←Rate | 02-17-2016 23:18 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm afraid if Trump wins he'll leave us for a younger, prettier country...
←Rate | 03-01-2016 22:24 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Selfie sticks are this generation's fanny packs...
←Rate | 03-06-2016 20:13 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people seem to like Trump. Others like Hillary, or Bernie. Just be happy you live somewhere that you have a choice, just don't waste it...
←Rate | 03-10-2016 09:19 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you...
←Rate | 03-17-2016 12:41 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found buried under snow in the mountains containing the last moments of people's lives...
←Rate | 03-17-2016 12:42 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
←Rate | 03-17-2016 12:51 by eengrms Comments (0)  




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