andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon just read that drug sniffing dogs get treats when they find drugs. we're just creating more addicts, you guys
←Rate | 12-28-2013 06:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon 4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot to reduce their fractions
←Rate | 12-29-2013 07:01 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ugh. New Year's Eve is just around the corner and I STILL haven't picked out which gang sign I'm going to hold up in photos
←Rate | 12-30-2013 07:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call me crazy, but I really prefer the term mentally ill
←Rate | 12-31-2013 06:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI: THIS IS THE FURTHEST IN HISTORY ANYONE'S EVER GONE!!!
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon a pessimist sees the glass half empty. a possumist sees the glass as a giant possum. sometimes jokes don't make much sense.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon i do not like green eggs&ham I do not like them will.i.am woud you eat them in my trunk woud you eat them off my hump my hump my humps
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon First date tip: to add an air of mystery, whisper "she suspects nothing" into your wristwatch
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:59 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon red sky at morning, sailors take warning, sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:09 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The janitor squints at the unfinished equation, picks up the chalk and scrawls methodically. Soon all the eights have top-hats like snowmen.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Screw you, space between my driver's seat and center console that's just the right size to accommodate every thing except my hand.
←Rate | 01-02-2014 02:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to lose an argument with a woman. 1) Argue
←Rate | 01-03-2014 08:59 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just noticed that the disclaimer at the beginning of Shark Tank says the Sharks are not really sharks, they are people.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 06:09 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon However lonely you feel, you're never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
←Rate | 01-07-2014 06:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just a regular guy, I boil my spaghetti one noodle at a time.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 12:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need to start naming hurricanes after rappers. People might evacuate quicker if they know hurricane Ghostface Killah is coming.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 12:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have no time for stupid people But they sure do have time for me.
←Rate | 01-09-2014 05:36 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze
←Rate | 01-10-2014 05:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My only stalker is Sallie Mae
←Rate | 01-10-2014 10:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's sad, 'cause even someone not particularly vain might think a song is about them, if enough details matched up.
←Rate | 01-12-2014 06:46 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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