StonerDudee Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon All my life I've wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 12:36 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't do drugs. I just smoke weed.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 17:35 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I forgot to buckle my 5 year old up in the car today, and while leaving the parking lot, this guy yells, "You're an irresponsible father!". I was like, "What the hell is that guy's problem? Stop the car son!"
←Rate | 07-28-2012 11:48 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, "I had an interview with a better company" is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
←Rate | 07-28-2012 11:59 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people yawn, do deaf people think they're screaming?
←Rate | 07-29-2012 12:47 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriends yelling at me for being "controlling." Funny thing is I don't remember giving her permission to speak.
←Rate | 07-29-2012 12:57 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon No joke, if I win the lottery I'm buying a full tank of gas!
←Rate | 07-29-2012 14:57 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon See a bug outside: Hi Mr Bug! See a bug inside: Die b!tch! Die!
←Rate | 07-30-2012 21:59 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, I just met you and girl you look crazy. What brands your make up, Crayola maybe?
←Rate | 07-30-2012 22:02 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nice guys finish last because they make sure their woman cums first. ; )
←Rate | 07-30-2012 22:12 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before we had Facebook, we had actual friends.
←Rate | 07-30-2012 22:15 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon What a rip-off! I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
←Rate | 07-31-2012 12:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Three reasons to stand up: 1. To get the remote 2. To go to the bathroom 3. Because you're the real slim shady
←Rate | 07-31-2012 23:12 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a US volleyball player named Destiny Hooker. Apparently her parents were wrong.
←Rate | 07-31-2012 23:14 by StonerDudee Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
←Rate | 07-31-2012 23:18 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women don't like being told what to do unless they're naked.
←Rate | 07-31-2012 23:22 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:11 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was eating Oreos, and I was dunking one in milk and the cookie broke and sank to the bottom. So now I'm just sitting here, staring at the glass and wondering why bad things happen to good people.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:12 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon It has been brought to my attention that the stick figures on soccer mom vans are actually NOT pedestrian "kill" scores and are actually meant to represent family members. I will remove mine immediately to avoid any further confusion.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:13 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't hate you! I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank...
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:30 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  




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