MWC Funny Status Messages

   Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.

   I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.

   If I start babbling its the Nyquil....if I start a bonfire at 3am it's the vodka

   What does a 90 year old virgin's pussa taste like,,,,,Depends

   Found out today that you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...

   FACT: 69% of people find something dirty in everything they read

   Remember ladies; When men give women roses they expect Tulips in return.

   If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.

   First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!

   Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.

   I don't procrastinate. I just like to have a lot to look forward to.

   When I’m about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I’m worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV.

   There will never be true equality until men have to wear jockey shorts with underwires that lift and separate.

   People who say "If I disappeared, no one would notice" are wrong. If I saw someone vanish right in front of me I would FREAK OUT!

   I think I am going to print the constitution on a bunch of rolls of toilet paper and send it to the president and his cronies, that way they can truly wipe thier a$$ with it.

   I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

   I went to the mall today and the power went out, I was stuck on the escalator for 30 minutes.

   I shouldn't have had that 14th cup of coffee... I CAN'T EVEN BLINK ANYMORE!

   When Billy Joel is singing "I Don't Want Clever Conversation I Want You Just The Way You Are". Is he replying that she's stupid?

   Ladies; Go bra less, it takes the wrinkles out of your face!