Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I don't need to make better choices, I need better things to choose FROM.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 20:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a bottle of wine, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter.
←Rate | 11-16-2012 11:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My best relationship advice: Make sure you're the crazy one.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 11:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was little I didn't care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it's obvious that my parents didn't care either.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 13:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2011 Pick Up Lines: "I have a full tank of gas."
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had my cell phone ring changed to a loud sneeze. That way, not only do I not offend those around me, they actually bless me whenever anyone calls.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 22:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are so many scams on the Internet now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 19:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why isn't there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
←Rate | 05-20-2012 17:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You ever notice how most Ford vehicle names are more fun when you put "anal" in front of them? Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger, Focus...
←Rate | 06-27-2011 16:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're not living life right if you don't get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
←Rate | 08-22-2011 09:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
←Rate | 10-31-2010 15:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Jack Daniels tastes a little bit like I'm not going to work tomorrow.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 14:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If good things come to those who wait, then I must have something ridiculously amazing coming!
←Rate | 04-11-2011 15:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're a millionaire and you don't have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you're wasting it.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the Zombie Apocolypse doesn't start out like the dance portion of the Thriller video I'm going to be pissed...........
←Rate | 06-02-2012 21:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes...
←Rate | 04-20-2011 17:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I wonder how old Jenna Jameson's twin sons will be when they realize they weren't the first two guys to be in their mom at the same time.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 14:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're in the wrong part of town, when you start seeing pay phones...
←Rate | 06-01-2011 12:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a mosquito bite last night... Bet that little guy is pretty hungover today.
←Rate | 06-26-2010 12:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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