Markf Funny Status Messages

   thinks Obama could help solve the Toyota crisis by raising the federal speed limit to 120 mph

   NFL announces no more goal dunking allowed. Oakland Raiders reply with a public statement: "No effect on us."

   confused...the system admin told me to 'have a little patients.' Does this mean I need to become a pediatrician?

   Casey Kasem found safe today in Washington state. Overheard nearby: "And we would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you darn kids."

   watching today the bare-knuckled, bruising clash between competitors vying to win recognition for their national pride. Then President Obama dismissed the Healthcare summit and I watched the Olympics.

   letdown. Crop circles just don't have the same mystique in backyard grass. (mood: disappointed)

   happy that President Obama recently visited India. Maybe now we can start sending jobs in Congress offshore.

   The best part of paying $49 for this new toy for my son's Christmas present is knowing how happy some other kid will be in 3 months when we donate it to a thrift store

   Want to see somethine scary? When your house is full of teenagers for the holidays, unplug your wi-fi.

   once watched a movie for 30 minutes waiting for a commercial so he could grab a snack -- then remembered it was a DVD.

   getting ready for May 21st (this Friday) which is Talk Like Yoda Day...practicing we should be, hmm?

   If we didn't have phones and had to go back to writing notes to each other on paper the hardest part would be drawing all the emojis

   "Lindsay Lohan bitten by snake while on vacation in Thailand" I can't get my head around how a snake can be that organized

   Hawaiian Airlines is now offering cheaper flights to Honolulu, with only a single stop to change wheel wells at San Jose.

   Wondering if there are any cold days in Hell, and if so does Satan slam his fist and say, "okay what band just got back together?"

   I am waiting for the Fitbit upgrade that lets me buy 5000 extra steps

   wondering what Hugo Chavez is thinking right about now.

   I can't wait for Amazon's new Blackmail service, where you hush money for that thing Alexa overheard

   wants to point out that it's not my fault that I never could learn to accept responsibility.

   I can finally join the crowd that says THE BOOK WAS BETTER now that most movies are about comic book heroes