minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   Basketball. Pfft. Running back and forth. Making passes. Dribbling. I do that every Friday night.

   Yo, Australia! Is the apocalypse happening? I need to know if the orgy I'm currently having is validated or if it will just make my husband upset.....

   If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”

   I survived the Mayan Apocalypse and all I got was this lousy hangover.

   Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in a few before you find the one that's right for you.... and try to stay away from the ones that already have teethmarks in them....

   You call it blacking out. I call it a booze nap.

   Note to self: Mr. Tequila and Mr. Keyboard do not play well together

   The next time you come across a Mayan making a calendar, leave him the f*** alone!

   Of course I’ve had my servings of fruit today. Coconut rum, pineapple-orange juice and maraschino cherries. There’s a bonus for combo fruits, right?

   Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of martinis as “Plan B”

   I have been thoroughly researching the native Potatoes of Couch and have become part of their tribe.

   Gin makes you Sin. And it's also an easier word to rhyme than vodka or bourbon.

   The stupid Facebook Timeline is completely ruining the whole "Drink Till You Forget" concept. Now I have a drinking problem AND get to remember everything.

   Bourbon is the elixer of the gods. Therefore, I'm not an alcoholic - I'm divine.

   In deference to any Chinese hackers who may looking at my posts: for the remainder of the evening, I will be using ROR (Raff out Roud) instead of LOL for your convenience. You’re welcome.

   Okay, so maybe practicing hypnotism in front of the mirror wasn't the smartest idea..

   Well, it turns out my eye patch is actually something called a "Jock Strap" & suddenly I'm not allowed into the Pirate Party.

   It's a thankless job, but apparently I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

   This man's so impressed with my driving that he got next to me just to show me he's not wearing a ring. Thanks hon, but wrong finger..

   Limited time offer for my middle linebacker friends....I will be your imaginary girlfriend.....but you had better show up at my funeral, dammit.