MBH Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon "Maybe later..." is a polite way of saying "Never"
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:56 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon "No offense" means "I'm about to insult you, but don't get mad."
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:46 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon ... CAT RULE #2: Get plenty of sleep so you can play at 4am
←Rate | 08-26-2010 16:51 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only reason I'd want to be both rich and famous is so that I can arrange dates with pretentious gold-diggers that are aware of my wealth and status -- then pick them up for our date in a beat-up, lime green Kia Rio and see their reaction.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:19 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to break plans and just want to say, "Something came up" and that's it, realize I'm the asshole that's going to ask you what the something actually is.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:10 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I was running from the law (literally), I'd much rather be running from an athletic cop than a fat cop because an athletic cop will only tackle me if he catches me, a fat cop will shoot me just so he doesn't have to run.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:43 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon If all of the whitening brightening toothpaste I used delivered, my teeth would now be fluorescent.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:38 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I get rich the first thing I'm going to do is to buy a new butt, because the one I have now has a crack in it.
←Rate | 08-26-2010 16:42 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be careful where you walk. You don't want to get cut on any broken dreams.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:05 by MBH Comments (3)  


   messageicon Fantasizing about your upcoming vacation is usually better than the vacation itself.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:56 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finding a wasp in your car is already plenty scary, but I swear the thing was also singing Tupac's "Ambitions of a Rider." Now you're just taunting me, dude.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:33 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon So gingivitis isn't the fear of redheads?
←Rate | 08-26-2010 16:40 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, it's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 07:48 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look, you idiot cat, if you don't want me to rub your belly then quit rolling around and exposing it to me. Quit biting me.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:27 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got a job that pays .000002 million!!
←Rate | 08-26-2010 16:47 by MBH Comments (3)  


   messageicon A smile is like tight underwear... it makes your cheeks go up.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 14:46 by MBH Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you...
←Rate | 08-23-2010 13:11 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how stupid people knew they were being stupid before the slap to the back of the head was invented?
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:50 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes late at night I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:51 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there's one thing I definitely couldn't live without, it would probably be my body.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:00 by MBH Comments (0)  



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