BigSarge Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'll bet Anthony Weiner's babysitter's mom is pretty freaking creeped out right now.
←Rate | 07-26-2013 03:50 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon WTF........... Just saw a duck smiling at me like a Facebook girl
←Rate | 06-18-2013 12:04 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping...... On a side note; Police report that there has been no progress made in an attempt to identify the "naked man" seen streaking out of the mall's wishing fountain.
←Rate | 02-25-2013 13:59 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I still call it morning if I never went to sleep because the shadow on my celling looked like a kitten with a butcher's knife?
←Rate | 08-30-2013 14:05 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I look up at the sky and think of Bolkonsky wounded at Austerlitz contemplating the very nature of existence......... Just kidding, I'm thinking about boobs.
←Rate | 09-23-2013 16:02 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about walking in the rain with your significant other is they don't know you're peeing.
←Rate | 08-13-2013 22:48 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife says crazy stuff like "You're addicted to Facebook," "Pay attention to us" and "How could you not notice the house is on fire?"
←Rate | 06-07-2013 03:32 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office playing on Facebook.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 23:19 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not have abs of steel, but I have overheard a lot of people whispering about my "rock bottom".
←Rate | 08-22-2013 22:27 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many girls it takes to change a light bulb? 4 if you count the one taking and posting the pic to Facebook
←Rate | 04-22-2013 21:29 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Windshield Wipers, "Can't Touch This!!" ... Sincerely, The Little Triangle
←Rate | 02-08-2013 18:25 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apocalypse Update - Day 68 (Deep within my Command Bunker): Finally received a TV signal. The only channel I could get was "E" network. Kim Kardasian is knocked up!! The "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" begins!! Well played Mayans, well played!!
←Rate | 02-27-2013 12:01 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
←Rate | 04-02-2013 16:27 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My animals are staring at me like I am the bacon messiah
←Rate | 08-08-2013 02:05 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously, how come they're not called tampoons?
←Rate | 05-09-2013 22:56 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spice up your sex life by throwing up some jazz hands when you're blowing him.
←Rate | 08-03-2014 14:17 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if somebody ever got "Catfished" through Christian Mingle?
←Rate | 07-26-2013 13:39 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't spent a dime feeding my pet python since I found the "Free Kitten" section on "Craigslist".
←Rate | 11-27-2013 01:57 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yeah, I followed a dream once. Turns out, the Harlem Globetrotters "don't really want" a 6th member named "Whitey McBiscuits".
←Rate | 05-09-2013 22:41 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon More social media's please.............. I have 20 min of real life to ignore
←Rate | 05-17-2013 04:05 by BigSarge Comments (0)  



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