Baddie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Being a nice person is so exhausting, which is why a$$holes always have so much energy.
←Rate | 09-30-2015 13:49 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
←Rate | 09-06-2014 05:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sensed she was starting to pull away when she changed the locks to the house.
←Rate | 09-30-2015 13:47 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex called to say that she hates me and wished I was dead, also to ask if I needed anything from the liquor store.
←Rate | 06-11-2016 12:49 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got an email with the subject line "Whales are counting on you". I responded "Whales are making a serious mistake"
←Rate | 05-28-2013 12:07 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy. Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.
←Rate | 11-04-2012 09:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at "tubes tied"
←Rate | 10-20-2012 15:16 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it curious that Kermit sings about how hard it is being green but nothing about screwing a pig.
←Rate | 09-16-2013 12:20 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of people I have to say good morning to on a daily basis really pisses me off
←Rate | 11-12-2014 12:46 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I turn up the car radio, that's a sign to shut up… not talk louder and ruin the song.
←Rate | 05-26-2012 14:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I run into the one that got away at the grocery store… and she's all like “There's the son of a b!tch who kidnapped me!”
←Rate | 05-26-2012 14:30 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
←Rate | 03-01-2013 00:57 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?
←Rate | 08-02-2012 10:48 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon P0rn is so unrealistic, I just took a shower with my girlfriend and stood in the corner freezing for 20 minutes handing her different shampoos
←Rate | 12-03-2014 07:51 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas Gift idea: Take her to the Planetarium so she can see the world doesn't revolve around her.
←Rate | 12-18-2014 23:48 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
←Rate | 10-11-2014 13:24 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing more uncomfortable than a girl with a lazy eye looking up at you while giving you head.
←Rate | 07-28-2012 12:09 by Baddie Comments (2)  


   messageicon If she takes off her heels to chase you, then you better call the police while you still can.
←Rate | 02-20-2013 13:04 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So...41 guys...that's the limit.
←Rate | 09-29-2013 13:03 by Baddie Comments (2)  


   messageicon My resume is basically a list of things I hate to do.
←Rate | 05-07-2014 10:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  




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