Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Getting married is similar to going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 13:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a six pack which I wanna show off at the beach this summer it was too blady long in the fridge.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 12:49 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon working, and having short Facebook breaks... but is now on Facebook with short work breaks... much more fun!
←Rate | 04-24-2010 12:48 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gf says I never listen to her (or something like that)
←Rate | 04-24-2010 12:44 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon if i'd have killed her when I met her, I'd be out of jail by now.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After hearing someone just ramble on and on on the phone or in person, don't you just wish they would become verbally impotent?
←Rate | 04-24-2010 11:48 by Leeferd Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks she settled the argument over whether you refer to a carbonated beverage as "soda, pop, or Coke"....it's "chaser!"
←Rate | 04-24-2010 11:42 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was in the nany for about 40 minutes until they kicked me out. Turns out the poop deck isn't what I thought it was. Man were they angry.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 11:24 by JeremyCakes Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ezekiel 25:17 "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his
←Rate | 04-24-2010 11:09 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Remembers a conversation with my X – she asked, “John what would our Brangelena name be as a couple” - I said, “Junt”
←Rate | 04-24-2010 09:31 by JDAUB Comments (0)  


   messageicon -- I saw a kid earlier with a hairy face and horrible beady eyes.......Saying that, I suppose it's normal for a goat...
←Rate | 04-24-2010 09:28 by Y.P Comments (0)  


   messageicon saw the HILLYBILLY that won the lottery bought a new car - and transfered his bumper sticker "PROUD FATHER of my NEPHEW"
←Rate | 04-24-2010 09:07 by JDAUB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying I don't get my fair share of fiber...but it's like trying to push a tennis ball down a Velcro lined tube.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 08:52 by Gary B Comments (0)  


   messageicon a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face
←Rate | 04-24-2010 07:10 by @deswong77 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering who put a quarter in the hillbilly...shut up already.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 07:05 by Mike D Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kan yu knot spel?
←Rate | 04-24-2010 06:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon reckons alcohol contains female hormones, think about it after drinking 1) Mens speak unnecessarily 2)become very over emotionall 3)drive badly 4)stop thinking 5)FIGHT FOR NOTHING ;
←Rate | 04-24-2010 04:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a little less conversation, a little more action please!!
←Rate | 04-24-2010 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i am not a squirrel but I do play with my nuts
←Rate | 04-24-2010 03:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon people who take really good care of their farmville probably have the ugliest room
←Rate | 04-24-2010 01:45 Comments (0)  




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