Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Bet when he went to school if there was a subject called how to do nothing, he would of gotten straight A's in it.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 04:34 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You heard the saying "you are what you eat", well Mc. D's must be making their Big Mac with donkey meat.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 05:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can literally be in Autozone and your kid will still want something. WTF you want a alternator?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [during sex] me: imma turn the ceiling fan on giraffe wife: *on top* noooooooo
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon co-worker: ok who put seafood in the microwave me: oh sorry does my lobster smell co-worker: no he’s pinching people
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So many things changing daily. For example, now DTF stands for Don’t Touch my Face.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Naked and Afraid. But it’s just me using the shower after my husband.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it me or do the birds and critters seem so much louder now - like their taunting us?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a Tutu was designed for an extra-large ballerina, would it be called a Threethree?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button. Times were hard.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I get out of quarantine I am starting a line of lawn mowers called mowjo.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry I removed you from my friends-list. But it's my new policy in dealing with folks who annoy the f*****g s**t out of me.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 09:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And suddenly people don't wonder any more if your living life to the fullest or have completely given up when you walk into the supermarket wearing pajamas.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 10:10 by moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're not gaining weight during the pandemic you ain't high enough
←Rate | 04-08-2020 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least all this money printing from the Fed will solve the toilet paper shortage
←Rate | 04-08-2020 11:05 by Hirit Comments (0)  


   messageicon Newsflash: Sorry libs, but what the MSM is saying is a lie. Trump does not own any stock in a company that makes hydroxychloroquine.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 11:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Remember wearing shoes? Is that still a thing?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 11:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roman Catholic dietary law classified aquatic mammals as fish rather than meat. therefore, you are free to eat beaver on Good Friday.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 11:28 Comments (0)  




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