Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5959 of 6369
Bet when he went to school if there was a subject called how to do nothing, he would of gotten straight A's in it.
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04-08-2020 04:34
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You heard the saying "you are what you eat", well Mc. D's must be making their Big Mac with donkey meat.
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04-08-2020 05:13
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You can literally be in Autozone and your kid will still want something. WTF you want a alternator?
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04-08-2020 06:29
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[during sex] me: imma turn the ceiling fan on giraffe wife: *on top* noooooooo
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04-08-2020 06:30
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co-worker: ok who put seafood in the microwave me: oh sorry does my lobster smell co-worker: no he’s pinching people
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04-08-2020 06:31
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So many things changing daily. For example, now DTF stands for Don’t Touch my Face.
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04-08-2020 06:34
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Naked and Afraid. But it’s just me using the shower after my husband.
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04-08-2020 06:37
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Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver
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04-08-2020 06:40
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it me or do the birds and critters seem so much louder now - like their taunting us?
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04-08-2020 06:43
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If a Tutu was designed for an extra-large ballerina, would it be called a Threethree?
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04-08-2020 06:47
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No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature
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04-08-2020 06:50
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When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button. Times were hard.
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04-08-2020 06:51
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When I get out of quarantine I am starting a line of lawn mowers called mowjo.
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04-08-2020 06:57
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I'm sorry I removed you from my friends-list. But it's my new policy in dealing with folks who annoy the f*****g s**t out of me.
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04-08-2020 09:56
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And suddenly people don't wonder any more if your living life to the fullest or have completely given up when you walk into the supermarket wearing pajamas.
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04-08-2020 10:10 by moon
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If you're not gaining weight during the pandemic you ain't high enough
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04-08-2020 10:25
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At least all this money printing from the Fed will solve the toilet paper shortage
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04-08-2020 11:05 by Hirit
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Newsflash: Sorry libs, but what the MSM is saying is a lie. Trump does not own any stock in a company that makes hydroxychloroquine.
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04-08-2020 11:07
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Remember wearing shoes? Is that still a thing?
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04-08-2020 11:08
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Roman Catholic dietary law classified aquatic mammals as fish rather than meat. therefore, you are free to eat beaver on Good Friday.
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04-08-2020 11:28
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