Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 10:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hate to be the one to point out that if you're going around to your friends houses to take "Socially Distancing" pictures and videos with you're missing the point.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 11:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My blow up doll has started wheezing and she’s loosing weight rapidly. Getting very concerned.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My coworker read some fake Facebook thing saying vitamin C is the cure for the virus. He’s been drinking 3 large glasses of milk per day for the last 9 days. I haven’t had the heart to tell him orange juice is the one with vitamin C
←Rate | 04-07-2020 14:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wore a mask to run errands today Accidentally robbed a bank
←Rate | 04-07-2020 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My washing machine is broken so I had to wear my high school band uniform to work today
←Rate | 04-07-2020 14:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone know where I can get plastic eggs big enough to hide hand sanitizer in?
←Rate | 04-07-2020 14:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a case of corona from walmart and I never felt better!
←Rate | 04-07-2020 15:36 by DJJackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the bank today. I saw a man with a mask and gloves come in and thank God he was just there to rob the place.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 15:58 by DJJackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon This week's weather forcast...Monday: Room Temperature Tuesday: Room Temperature Wednesday: Room Temperature Thursday: Room Temperature Friday: Room Temperature
←Rate | 04-07-2020 16:05 by DJJackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The blow up doll guy! You can tell jokes about anything you know? Though Trump gags may get removed!
←Rate | 04-07-2020 17:34 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yo, idiot below! So we were wrong about that, stop rubbing it in all the God damn time! This is why we hate the libs, they can never let things go!
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you’re ever wondering if you and your spouse are on the same page fold a large blanket together. You’ll have your answer quickly.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve received a lot of emails that find me well.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine surviving Covid19 then China releases Covid19S Plus Pro
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:53 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am creating face mask from the scalps of the dead... Is that wrong?
←Rate | 04-07-2020 20:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped wearing a mask and started carrying a chain saw everywhere . Social distancing isn't an issue for me :P
←Rate | 04-07-2020 20:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm called "Essential" because calling me "Sacrificial" would be too honest...
←Rate | 04-07-2020 20:24 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Corona hoax is the most I've ever seen my neighbors, I'm pretty sure they're all hooligans. Almost all of em wearing masks.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 21:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a real use for a selfie stick.. 6 feet back motherfuckers
←Rate | 04-07-2020 22:56 Comments (0)  




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