Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5957 of 6367
The list of things I won't eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
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05-01-2010 14:28 by Joser
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likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."
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05-01-2010 14:27
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"Did you say, 'I'd like to meet her?'" Me: No. I said, I'd like to meat her.
“Facebook is the people you went to school with. Twitter is the people you wished you went to school with.”
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05-01-2010 08:07 by Man9
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The best relationship is the one that's built on love and lust.. sry sry TRUST
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05-01-2010 05:56 by mac
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Z is the last letter in the alphabet because it overslept.
thought it was called physical education, not physical movement!
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05-01-2010 01:34 by bleh
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wondering why the chick who flipped me off in the parking lot this morning couldn't find a better use for that finger. She could have been so much happier!
I was given 4 E's and LSD last night… Such an awful start to a game of scrabble.
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05-01-2010 00:06 by ANGELA
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I just saw a message in my alphabet soup. It says OOOOOO. Oh wait….I'm eating Cheerios
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04-30-2010 23:59 by Angela
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A huge mass of slimy ooze is moving towards New Orleans. I'm confused as I didn't think the Eagles played the Saints this year.
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04-30-2010 23:57
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Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.
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04-30-2010 23:46 by ANGELA
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God: An invisible friend for adults
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04-30-2010 23:45 by ANGELA
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You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. You should write it instead.
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04-30-2010 23:44 by ANGELA
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it's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now sounds a little better than, it's 1:15, I'm trashed & horny...
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04-30-2010 23:42 by ANGELA
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being a mother is like Hotel California, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave:S
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04-30-2010 23:23 by ANGELA
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To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
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04-30-2010 22:05
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The funny thing about driving your car off a cliff, I bet you're still hitting those brakes.
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04-30-2010 22:04
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No one ever seems to realize that when someone says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.
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04-30-2010 20:42 by bigedusw
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An Eskimo in the North Pole was arrested on suspicion of murder. Police want to know what he was doing on the night between September and March.