Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The list of things I won't eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:28 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Did you say, 'I'd like to meet her?'" Me: No. I said, I'd like to meat her.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 09:15 by @TimSWeber Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Facebook is the people you went to school with. Twitter is the people you wished you went to school with.”
←Rate | 05-01-2010 08:07 by Man9 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best relationship is the one that's built on love and lust.. sry sry TRUST
←Rate | 05-01-2010 05:56 by mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon Z is the last letter in the alphabet because it overslept.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 05:23 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon thought it was called physical education, not physical movement!
←Rate | 05-01-2010 01:34 by bleh Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering why the chick who flipped me off in the parking lot this morning couldn't find a better use for that finger. She could have been so much happier!
←Rate | 05-01-2010 00:28 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was given 4 E's and LSD last night… Such an awful start to a game of scrabble.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 00:06 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw a message in my alphabet soup. It says OOOOOO. Oh wait….I'm eating Cheerios
←Rate | 04-30-2010 23:59 by Angela Comments (0)  


   messageicon A huge mass of slimy ooze is moving towards New Orleans. I'm confused as I didn't think the Eagles played the Saints this year.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 23:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 23:46 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon God: An invisible friend for adults
←Rate | 04-30-2010 23:45 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. You should write it instead.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 23:44 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now sounds a little better than, it's 1:15, I'm trashed & horny...
←Rate | 04-30-2010 23:42 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon being a mother is like Hotel California, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave:S
←Rate | 04-30-2010 23:23 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 22:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The funny thing about driving your car off a cliff, I bet you're still hitting those brakes.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 22:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one ever seems to realize that when someone says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 20:42 by bigedusw Comments (0)  


   messageicon An Eskimo in the North Pole was arrested on suspicion of murder. Police want to know what he was doing on the night between September and March.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 20:00 by Lemonpillow Comments (1)  




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