Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon would like to remind everyone to Wang Chung tonight.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 17:43 by jenjen2290 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lady luck is a wench. She only shows up when your winning.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 17:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a female friend of mine is taking self defense class - they told her not to yell "Help" when being attacked - you are supposed to yell "Fire". I said, "what if the attacker is holding a gun?"
←Rate | 05-01-2010 17:14 by jdaub Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." George W. Bush
←Rate | 05-01-2010 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Want some Coke so I can have fun 2night at home
←Rate | 05-01-2010 15:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming...
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:37 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon doesn't want you to call me lazy until you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon pretty damn sure that Starbucks clearly has no idea we're in a recession.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money. I probably should have chosen my words better
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just read that Alice in Wonderland is rated PG due in part to 'a smoking caterpillar.' I, for one, am so sick of movies glamorizing caterpillars.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear men who are smart and hot and madly in love with me: Please start existing.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing that could make this pizza better would be an s.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My futon might pull out, but I don't!
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend in Arizona was about to roll a joint but was busted because he didn't have any papers
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon 69 is the Kamikaze of oral sex. "If I'm going down, you're coming with me!"
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants you to imagine that I have a big smile on my face. Also, for the hell of it, go ahead & put me in a top hat. .
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One night stands in hotel rooms just don't do it for me anymore. ...That's why I always ask for a bed with two night stands.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The truth is, when I start a statement with "the truth is" I'm usually lying my @ss off
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:29 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never know what I have up my sleeve. Today, for instance, it was a goldfish cracker.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:28 Comments (0)  




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