Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 02:39 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 02:36 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
←Rate | 05-02-2010 02:34 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
←Rate | 05-02-2010 02:33 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does watching Twilight New Moon make me want to watch Teen Wolf!
←Rate | 05-02-2010 01:11 by @daddybullfrog1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unite this Cinco de Mayo to keep sharpies out of the hands of young mexican girls' hands. Feel comfortable in your natural eyebrows ladies.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 00:29 by Not Worth Adding My Name Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...and thats when George Washington shot Hitler in the head.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 00:02 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Cinco de mayo is the celebration of Mexico kicking the repo mans(France) a$$ who they owed money to and winning! It's true look it up!
←Rate | 05-01-2010 23:41 by @daddybullfrog1 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 23:12 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, sh!t on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me B!tch." I don't own a hamster.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 23:08 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
←Rate | 05-01-2010 23:00 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great a$$ and a trust fund.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 22:51 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mythbuster: Homophones were not invented by Alexander Graham Bell's flowery nephew.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 22:40 by @TimSWeber Comments (0)  


   messageicon Few people know this but Cinco de Mayo is actually about a ship full of mayonnaise that sank off the coast of Mexico.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 22:30 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at first you don't succeed, mabey sky diving wasn't meant for you.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 20:57 by dlane Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
←Rate | 05-01-2010 19:54 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 19:53 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a paper cut is a trees last revenge =)
←Rate | 05-01-2010 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just watched "fourth kind", I think I need to go to church!
←Rate | 05-01-2010 18:48 by @daddybullfrog1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 18:18 Comments (0)  




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