Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Whenever I go near a bank I get withdrawal symptoms.
←Rate | 05-04-2010 18:35 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon not easily offended and easily offends. Life is so unfair...
←Rate | 05-04-2010 18:18 by Caring-Stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
←Rate | 05-04-2010 18:06 by paulb808 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:49 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:48 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:44 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll have sex with me
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:42 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am used but in good condition
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:41 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that everyone is either trying to preserve or disprove who they were in highschool? We were all a bunch of midget dipsh*ts making minimum wage covered in pimples
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon KFC is donating money towards breast cancer. They don't want anything killing their customers except heart disease.
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:32 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:28 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:22 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon not as thunk as you drink I am occifer...i was just podging dotholes...
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the last song LIL WAYNE wants to hear in prison is LICK IT LIKE A LOLLIPOP
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook knows me better than anyone
←Rate | 05-04-2010 16:49 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon owns youtube, facebook, gmail, messenger and microsoft office. Now will you go out with me?
←Rate | 05-04-2010 16:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon must be the only one that has no idea wth a bieber is...the news is constantly giving alerts "just in..." Should I be frightened?!
←Rate | 05-04-2010 16:17 by @bitemeNsuckit Comments (0)  


   messageicon tall people get tired of you askin them to reach stuff on store top shelves, imagine askin midgets to opick yur change up off the floor at the register when dropped?
←Rate | 05-04-2010 16:08 by michellesmith@live.ca Comments (0)  




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