Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5931 of 6369
My new checks all have trampolines on them. Just so bill collectors know they may bounce!
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05-10-2010 18:37
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Yes, "facebooking" IS an action verb. Along with googling, tweeting and farmvillin'.
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05-10-2010 18:23 by Tracy
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Just seen the Facebook group: "I wish my laptop had unlimited battery".What, a plug?
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05-10-2010 18:20 by sellers
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Police are such idiots. I got pulled over the other day for weaving. I can't even sew, let alone weave, especially when I'm pissed!!
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05-10-2010 18:03
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My wife told me that she was seeing someone else because she was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail
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05-10-2010 18:02
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used to play sports. Then I realised that you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything!
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05-10-2010 18:01
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was driving past the woods today and saw a group of bird watchers, so I flipped them the bird.
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05-10-2010 17:56
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a kid said to me sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I threw a dictionary at him.
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05-10-2010 17:55
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wonders if the person that invented the vibrator heard voices in his head that said, "if you build it, they will come."
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05-10-2010 17:55
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What did the maxi pad say to the fart? A: You're the wind beneath my wings.
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05-10-2010 17:54
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I zone out once my teacher says "This will not be on the test."
I like my women like I like my steaks. Dark with a warm pink center.
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05-10-2010 17:27 by @kdr2011
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Criticism is the best sign you're onto something.
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05-10-2010 14:06 by Joser
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Why do people insist on speaking to me? It pretty much never goes well.
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05-10-2010 14:06 by Joser
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Does the Five Second Rule apply to beer?
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05-10-2010 14:06 by Joser
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This could be the best day ever... but it isn't. Again
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05-10-2010 14:05 by Joser
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The thing that makes learning how to use chopsticks so difficult is that the longer you don't know how, the soggier your cereal gets.
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05-10-2010 14:05 by Joser
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Saw the mystery machine from Scooby Doo driving on the highway. Is this real life?
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05-10-2010 14:05 by Joser
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I just saw a man disconnect his oxygen tank before he lit his cigarette. Safety first.
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05-10-2010 14:02 by Joser
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ME: So you're a drug dealer, huh? HER: It's called a pharmacist. ME: Oh, I get it. It's like how you can't say "bong" in a head shop, right?
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05-10-2010 13:58 by Joser
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