Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon whoever said "never regret" obviously never had taco bell
←Rate | 05-11-2010 20:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If wishes and buts were candy and nuts, Obama supporters would have the White House filled with pimps and sluts
←Rate | 05-11-2010 19:54 by one Comments (0)  


   messageicon If BP needs a giant box to contain all the oil, they can call any of my ex-girlfriends.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 18:06 by bigboyindiego Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a shame how so many of you have such nice, expensive, in many cases even brand new cars and yet the turn signals don't seem to work.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:36 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it weren't for my feet I don't know how I'd ever shut the car door.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:33 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I even want to know how one would contract herpes of the eye?
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:32 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon remember..we are all just human...except Ryan Seacrest...he's a midget alien from Mars.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am anxious about how much Xanax I'm taking.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:26 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker...
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:26 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somebody slipped a hangover in my drink last night
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:25 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Playboy in 3-D! Take that, 18 billion hours of free, readily available Internet porn.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:22 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:21 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:18 by pailb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear gigantic flock of birds chirping loudly in the parking lot sh*ting all over my car, There's still more north left... Go annoy Canada...
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:16 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone at work said to me, "Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend" I said, "Yes, I do, but don't tell my husband."
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the game doesn't freeze every 6 minutes, then you're not watching FOX.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:08 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do not have the time to listen to you whine, you melodramatic fool!!
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Facebook, Please stop asking me what's on my mind. I'm gonna get myself in trouble if I keep spilling my guts to you.
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:02 Comments (0)  




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