Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5924 of 6369
Funny, I have a fifth grader and the stuff that he is learning in school is not the stuff that is on "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader". What elementary school do those kids go to?!?
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05-13-2010 09:58
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I love Australia! It's the only place in the word you can call someone a "mate" without sounding sexual ;)
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05-13-2010 08:24
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Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
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05-13-2010 08:19
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70% of you might think I'm being disingenuous when I say I'm surprised that you "like" my status...The other 30% are googling "disingenuous"...
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05-13-2010 04:53
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got a leaflet asking to donate clothes for the starving people of the 3rd world......I laughed so hard...if they can fit into my clothes then they are not starving
my money is energizer money...... it keeps going....
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05-12-2010 23:46 by Mario
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damn right I'm good in bed... I can sleep for days!!
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05-12-2010 22:59
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Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work
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05-12-2010 22:24
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that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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05-12-2010 21:45 by paulb808
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True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
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05-12-2010 21:43 by shane
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When you first start dating a girl, they say to look at their Mother to see how they'll look as they age. However.....I feel very judgmental when their Mother is practically the same age as I am:)
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
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05-12-2010 19:59 by Scooby
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not feeling himself today............ anyone else wanna try!!! :-)
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05-12-2010 18:00
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If you watch Rambo backwards, it's about a medic with a magical bullet vacuum.
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05-12-2010 17:39 by David
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Heaven doesn't want me & Hells just afraid i'll take over!!
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05-12-2010 17:38
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I'm only gunna give you half of it," the back half."
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05-12-2010 17:31
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 You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
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05-12-2010 16:52 by Mduduzi
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I SURVIVED Y2K, BIRD FLUE, SWINE FLU AND MAD COW DISEASE. 2012 BRING IT ON.
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05-12-2010 15:58 by BEGO
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how about a game of "just the tip"??
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05-12-2010 14:17
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