Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   textually active

   says Judge me all you want... just keep the verdict to yourself

   is eating mushrooms and chasing white rabbits

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   I bought a pack of biscuits today and on it said "store in a cool place." So I sent them to Samuel Jacksons house.

   has heard better comebacks from someone in a coma.

   laying on his bed, looking up at the stars and wondering... WTF??? wheres my roof?

   Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.

   If a woman wants a man who can take orders, they should marry a waiter!

   All of us are God's Creatures, Just Some are More Creatures Than Others !!!

   do tree huggers buy toilet paper?

   U know some people are like VIRUSES, they ENTER your LIFE, SCAN your POCKETS, TRANSFER your IDEAS, EDIT your MINDE, DOWNLOAD your HEART, and UPLOAD their PROBLEMS

   Please Wait...My heart is now loading...20% completed.40% completed.80% completed.99.9% completed...Error! Error!..Something has interrupted the download. Please try again later.

   My dog was barking at the back door and my wife was yelling at the front door. I always let the dog in first because at least its shuts up when it gets in the house.

   I piss awesomeness. Awesomeness burns, right?

   The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.

   They wouldn't have to ban texting while driving if they would just legalize driving through red lights...

   I'll tell ya, there's nothing better than a cold beer(s) after a long hard day of laying on the couch...

   The worst thing you can say to a man is "Are you in yet.."

   Facebook message inbox:"Wwo! Is htat raelly you in htis ivdeo?".... Yeah, that link looks safe, it was obviously sent by one of my dear friends, let me click it and check it out, no way it's a spamming virus...... Idiots.