Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it... so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.
←Rate | 05-23-2010 03:17 by drew Comments (0)  


   messageicon My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird a## quiz where he reveals the answer first.
←Rate | 05-23-2010 03:13 by drew Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quite a number of women put "Ugh" in their statuses to show the stress and pain of their "situation." To me it almost sounds like you're constipated. "Ugh!! I really don't wanna go to work today, ugh!"
←Rate | 05-23-2010 02:21 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son has been sitting at the computer for so long I almost watered him today..........
←Rate | 05-23-2010 00:17 by Corey C Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
←Rate | 05-23-2010 00:14 by drew Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just walked passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its' wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence please.
←Rate | 05-22-2010 21:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you ever stop to think if some of your friends were actually resulting mistakes made by their parents'...."Get-Together?"
←Rate | 05-22-2010 20:35 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacc...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAC-MAN
←Rate | 05-22-2010 18:24 by Daniel Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon If fanny packs were actually awesome, do you realize how easier life would be?
←Rate | 05-22-2010 17:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to wear 3D glasses today and shout EVERYTHING LOOKS SO REAL!
←Rate | 05-22-2010 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
←Rate | 05-22-2010 16:42 by bobbi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop crying. You asked what I thought of your haircut and "macho" is a compliment where I come from, lady...
←Rate | 05-22-2010 14:12 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I have a combination of Alzheimer's and ADD. I can't remember what I wasn't focusing on
←Rate | 05-22-2010 13:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If God didn't think humility was important, he would have put the prostate somewhere else.
←Rate | 05-22-2010 10:47 by jeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon On this day in 1967 Mister Rogers' Neighborhood premiered. To this day I'm convinced that Fred and Mrs. McFeely had something going on.
←Rate | 05-22-2010 09:37 by duncansooner Comments (0)  


   messageicon what is the square root of pie?...MORE PIE!
←Rate | 05-22-2010 08:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a wife is like the suits of a deck of cards. You need a heart to love them, a diamond to marry them, a club to beat them when they drive you nuts, and a spade to bury them when their dead
←Rate | 05-22-2010 08:43 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ever notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?
←Rate | 05-22-2010 08:24 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?
←Rate | 05-22-2010 08:23 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon every second becomes a minute, every minute becomes a hour but when your living it up every crazy sh#t you did in your life becomes the best memories.
←Rate | 05-22-2010 04:39 by drew Comments (0)  




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